What Am I To Do?

My boyfriend and the father of my baby,
Didn't leave our daughter, But just left me...That don't make it any better!!!
I swear this is the hundreth time he has left me, Broken up with me.
He broke up with me a bunch of times while I was pregnant and put me through hell
not know if he was going to be there for me and our daughter.
He treats me like crap on the ground, He don't care and he said he don't care all the time.
I always wanted to just get up and leave his sorry butt, But I was scared to leave him because I love him to death, Care about so much and I don't want to be alone for the rest of
me life, And have my daughter have to lifes one leaving with me and the other if her dad has anything to do with her.
What am I suppose to do??
She a beautiful baby with a big bright smile.
And I'm her mother going on day to day not knowing if she is going to grow up with just a mom or a "Mom & a Dad" who are together and mairred?
What am I to do?
Leave day to day not know any of those things or go find someone else who will treat me right and care about my feelings an not treat me like crap ever!
And just love me for the person who I am, And always want to be there for me and my daughter.

I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul

I just listened to "Creep by Radiohead" never heared it before and now it's my new favorite song! <3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5mNNsZeu7c
I'm sitting here watching  thinspiration...I want to be thin and pretty so damn much.
I have been trying to eat, To make my boyfriend happy.
But he don't care if I eat or not, I know cos he told me, Even if he did I can't do this nol more!!
I can't eat I wheigh 125lbs now!
I am so huge, So FAT!!
I couldn't takeit any longer, we ate about an hour ago and I felt to stuffed I felt so sick because I hate that feeling, Ya know?
So I purged for the first time in awhile and that felt so good to get to empty feeling again!
Eating is for the birds. I don't need food.
Anywho on to a different subject..
My boyfriend........Sometimes I just can't stand him never mind it's all of the time I can't stand him!!
He says the most hatefull things all the time so we never get along, Like he says he's joking but that doesn't matter, You don't tell your girlfriend that you don't want to have sex with her because once you've been with her so long it gets old doing it with the same women!
I feel like the ugyiest person alive and him not wanting me in that way makes me feel uglyer!
I want to be beautifull and sexy, I want someone to want me in everyway they should want thier own girlfriend/lover always.
I love him and I don't feel that way about him! Does he not really love me? Is that why it feels that way about me?
I wanna know why!

The Other Mother.

You know who I am saying when I'm talking about the other mother!!
Your boyfriends "mother" The ones that way to bossy and go over your bounderies.. OMG
They can be such a pain in the you know what!
I live with my bf at his dads place and his mom comes over to the house way to much I think.
I can't stand her, Here's one example,
I just get done feeding my baby her bottle and she starts cry like babys do after they eat they cry coz they
get tired, So I'm holding her trying to comb her down so she can go to sleep, Right?
And his mother say bring her to me, I said no it's okey I got it!
she insists again "Bring her to me!" But this time louder, So I bring my little peyton to her and
She says my baby is mad at me that she doesn't want to to hold her at that time coz I made her mad.
So she trys to comb her down herself and peyton just keep on crying and getting louder.
I know she's crying because she tired, And his mother just won't let me comb her down myself.
I mean I am her mother I need to be the one to comb her down when she's crying right?
I'm her mother thats my job!
His mother does it all the time!!
I'm so sick of it.

Better to love then to never love at all

Have you ever loved some one with all of your heart, But later on loose some of that love for that special someone?
Well I'm one of those unlucky people who has that problem...
I love him, But it feels like a 85% kinda love!
You know when you have that first date with a guy and you start to really fall for him?
Then that one date leads to another date then another date and ten more date....ect
Then he asks you to be his "Girlfriend"
What does that really mean, You now the word "Girlfriend"?
I don't know what it's suppose to mean but anyways back to the subject.
After awhile when you Bf & Gf  he say those three little words that make your heart stop,
"I Love You"......Then everything changing.
You fall inlove with him, You have unpertected sex, get pregnant then move in with him, Get to know his real self and there goes everthing....You both fall apart, You realize your just two totally different
with nothing in commen anymore.
You argue every second of every minute of every day!!
You know them guys who tell you what to do,say,wear and what not to do,who you can talk to and can't talk to,were you can't go cuz they don't want you to go there because there are men...ect
Like "HELLO"  there are men everywere you go they are at the gas-station,walmart, walking on the street, They are everywere.....And I'm one of the girls the one that take a relashionship seriously so if
I know theres men walking around I don't even look at then even if I'm just hangin out with the girls and their like look at him he's so hot no looking for me, I don't want to look because I have a man so there no need to look at anyother.
I have a policy, I won't do anything to you that I don't want done to me, No cheating, No googling at others "Coz googling is so very rude" No saying hatefull things that you will later on regret,No lying and don't say you love me if you really don't.
If you say you love someone you have to know what love means!!!
To a women that word mean everything....Well to me it means everything.

Whos knows?!

I do not recomend "Xephedrine" to anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got it, took it and lost weight as soon as the first day as I took the first pill!
They are very addicting, Cos if you are like me a extremesat at loosing every pound on my
fat bastered body..Then you will take to many of them in one day and even more then you should take in one hour.
Lets just say I took over five "Xephedrine" in one day!
It was a stupid thing I did!
I took over that many not knowing it could kill me!
My heart was pounding and I don't know really how to explain how I felt.
But it made me feel so damn bad!!
All I can say is DON'T take it!
You will get hooked on them cos you loose weight quick!
It's not worth having someone you Love being stuck in the hospital with you and ruining thier christmas eve....
I did I believe I ruinned his holiday....I never want to make him unhappy, but the only thing I'm good at is
making everyone around me unhappy.
Thats what my parents always told me and if it wasn't true they would have never said it...

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.

I had ordered xyphedrine and got it yesterday, My ohh my.
It works wonders!!
I started taking it the day I got it so I've been in it two day and lost just about 5 pounds,
In two days!
This stuff give me so much energy and I feel so good!
I'm going to buy more as soon as I'm out.
Now all I eat every day is xyphedrine for breakfest.
And thats my only meal!
I'm getting thinnier but on the down side I'm loosing some of my hair and I'm cold all the time.
But it's woth it!
Sometimes I hate my ED, Cos I can't stand having change in my life.
Like I can't even go for a run on a different path because my body just won't run anyother way but the same ways every day.
Even the smallest change scars me...
I feel like life isn't even worth living, No one cares about what I do,say,think or even if I live or die.
I just want some one to care about me and show me they care about me!
Is that really to much to ask for?
The one person I love doesn't even care or give a shit about anything.
I mean am I really stupid, worthless and not worth someone loving and caring about me?
Because I really do feel I'm worthless!
I just want to be perfect, So some one will love and care about me.
  

Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork

I have a question does lipovox and hydroxycut work and if so witch one works best and were can you get them?
And what other diet pills work the best and were can you buy them?
I have now lost 15 pound!
Since the last two days I was at my my bf's parents house staying the night there
with our baby.
He tryed to get me to eat, But I said I wasn't hungry...
Witch was  a lie, I was hungry as hell.
And all they eat is high calorie food and drink mounin-dew.
When me and him went to bed I felt like dying cos my stomch kept growling!!
I only hope he was in a really dead sleep and didn't hear a thing.
I came back home yesterday and damn did I hear it from my so called parents.
They told me a whole bunch of B/S and they even through my cat out side.
That cat is mine and she is the only thing I have left from when my grandparents were alive!
It hit my like a bomb I was out side in the dark and cold looking for her until I found her.
And now they act like nothing happend, like everthing is alright....
I can't wait to move out of this house cos my baby will not grow up living here!